“IN A WORLD WHERE KINDNESS IS COURAGEOUS.”

IS HAVING THE CONFIDENCE TO COMPLIMENT THE MOST UNDERRATED SKILL OF THE CENTURY?

Here lies all of the compliments never told because hearts began beating too fast and nerves silenced what mouths wanted to speak out loud.

why does it take so much courage to be kind?

The first time i heard about this idea, of it taking confidence to be a kind human, was on no other than Instagram, from one of my favorite creators, Victoria Hutchins, @thedailyvictorian. In her signature style content of speaking poetry and life lessons while on her yoga mat, Victoria shared a video indicating subtle signs that you’re more confident than you once were. In the last sentiment of the video, she said the words that have stuck right to my brain ever since: “it takes so much confidence to be Nice.” She is so right.

How many times is it now that you’ve felt the bubbling urge to appreciate another human to their face, only to back out of the interaction before it even started for no other reason than nerves? is it at a point where you’ve given it a name? perhaps coining it “silently appreciating” instead of the true sentiment, “holy shit i want to tell her i love her nails but suddenly i’ve forgotten how to speak.”

Some of the most radiant, sunshine-like, and beautiful people in this world are those that continuously and religiously compliment the people around them, as if its a reflex. They see something they admire, they say it, and boom – the entire energy of the room is uplifted, and warmth beings To ooze contagiously. The part to zoom into here: the lack of pause between noticing and saying out loud.

It makes sense that more time that exists between admiring a strangers outfit and telling the stranger that you admire their outfit, the less likely you are to tell them so. “But what if i bother them?” “They seem really busy anyways,” “Are they approachable enough for me to say this to them randomly?” All little blurbs of doubt that fill the time between noticing and saying. Or if we’re being honest, tiny excuses that we use to fill the void where our confidence should live.

So what happens when you take that pause of time away? when you take the time to come up with excuses away? What if instead of thinking about the compliment, how to deliver it, and whether or not its “weird” to say it… you just blurt it out, in its purest and bravest and most imperfect form?

this is where confidence is built. less questioning and more doing.

The reality is that you too can be that radiant beam of light in the coffee shop making everyone around you feel more seen. You too can be the human who celebrates others out loud. you too can become the version of you who just does what feels good without thinking it to death. all you have to do, logically, is decrease your reaction time.

to build this confidence, silently and successfully, start saying good things when they come to mind. humor me here for a few lines:

• sitting at home alone and like the dinner you made for yourself? Say it out loud. “I love this dinner, it’s just what i needed tonight.”
• Enjoy the texture of your new face moisturizer? Use your words. “This feels so soft and smooth on my skin.”
• Grabbed your Matcha from the bar and took your first sip before finding your table again? A simple, “oh YUM!” out loud, is all it will take to break the threshold.

In an essence, all you’re doing here is training your brain to bring positive thoughts into your space of reality by speaking them into existence. You’re teaching your brain to be comfortable to share joy out loud. You’re training yourself to decrease your outward reaction time. And the more this practice becomes like second nature to you? the easier it will be to stop thinking and start complimenting. You will embody confidence.

see, confidence isn’t an achievement, or a mark to meet – its a subtle way of being that shines through how you live your life and how you carry yourself in the world. There won’t be one day where you’ve finally done enough and can say, “okay i can effectively and finally be confident now,” well maybe there will, to each their own. the more common reality: you’ll notice your confidence slowly and subtly. You’ll say the positive takes out loud. You’ll carry yourself with an open heart and shoulders back. You’ll stand taller. You’ll trust yourself to just say without thinking about it in 8 different directions first. it will just Be. but you have to create this confidence. You have to nurture it.

and the most confident people? they are truly kind. truly oozing with statements of admiration. Truly beaming with all of the light they’ve brought to other people’s days.

kindness takes a special kind of courage that might still be in its building process… But be that as it may, I think it’s worth it to keep construction going. in fact, What else could blossom in your life as a result of this new way of being?

Now, my friend, is the moment where you realize that you are the light and that You have nothing to lose by being a drop of sweetness in a sometimes bitter world.

after all, a compliment never made a strangers day worse, And being kind never made you feel poorly.

so In a world where kindness takes courage, be courageous.

Food for thought. Thanks for hearing this.

With Love,

Madeleine

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Zoom In To You. letters to better ourselves and to help us travel inward.